My wallpaper...

Thats my wallpaper on my laptop now. I really am not going to describe why/how/what I feel when I look at that picture. It speaks a zillion words. Does'nt it?

Random thoughts...

"All I wanted for him was to save the world," lamented The Commander from Sky High. Somehow I cant get over that statement. Reminded me of appa. "All I wanted for her was to get into IIT".. "All I wanted for her was to get a good job".."All I wanted for her was to do her Post Graduation" ... "All I wanted for her was to do an MBA" ! Its amazing how parents all over the world always want (nice) things to happen for their children.

"True Friends understand" - another powerful statement. I wonder what I would do if I lost these precious souls. I would crumble. Iam...

Sometimes you're so wrapped up in your own little messy world that you lose track of the bigger picture.

Sometimes I wish I had the power to go back and erase certain portions of my life.

Sometimes I wish I knew what I wanted in life.

Have you ever felt like disappearing into thin air when you're disgusted with yourself ?

WHATEVER !!!

Purpose of Nothing

Purpose of Nothing

© By Randi Perez Helm


Purpose in the Nothing
Days on end repeat themselves
Morning noon and night
It's nothing to get a cup of milk or
To leave on the hall light

Stacks and stacks of building blocks
Strewn about the floor
It's nothing still to pick them up
Like so many times before

And then there is the soothing touch
Or word that brings new light
To a hurting, anxious, growing child
Who simply does not like the night

Cooking, shopping, bills to pay
Folding clothes forever it seems
The rain and snow keeps seasoning by
But dormant lie my dreams

Pointless, dull, routine, the same
My soul withers to empty
Only a tiny, hoping flicker remains
In the tomb my heart surrenders

A voice in the dark rings true and bold
'You have no need to wonder.
Don't you know you carried my name
Each time you fed the hunger?

And when the pain of an injured hand
Filled their eyes with tears
You touched the wounds with healing balm
You brought heaven near

Tasks that had to be done
Routine is your daily fight
It has become a root system of dependency
From which seedlings can take flight

It's all in the thought of things
And know that it is 'something'
You are my vessel of bonds unconditional
When you find purpose in the nothing'

Realization...

It's amazing how your opinion about people change with time. It hasnt happened with me often. I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people and their intentions. But the few times that I have miserably failed, the experience has been painful. I believe I had(ve) a serious mental weakness - wanting to please everybody around me and wanting to be "the perfect daughter", "the perect sister", "the perfect friend to every soul", "the perfect partner in life","the perfect student", "the perfect employee".... ! What was I thinking ? Two decades and a few bitter pills later I realize its stupidity! How on earth can I cater to the whims and fancies of every person who is in some way associated with my existance on planet Earth ? I most certainly donot approve of everybody else's actions- but can learn to live with a certain degree of tolerance. Wonder if it's too much to ask for from the other end...

REC center et al...

Been 2 years since i stretched a muscle ! Felt GOOD. Felt the adrenalin pumping. 6 months - Big target ! Some challenge ! God be with me !

So happy !!

My "journey" back home from 7000 Central can get really dreary ! Today was interesting though. Around 5.15 pm - somewhere on Central , trying not to doze off and miss my stop. I try to entertain myself by observing every mortal I pass by. As the bus stopped at the traffic signal, I noticed this guy in the car next to us holding his partner's hands. They seemed so blissful holding their hands - completely oblivious to the rest of the world. Sitting snuggly , feeling the warmth of the loved one, holding hands, exchanging sweet nothings - all packed into a long romantic drive ! Sigh !

"Good for you guys! ", I thought , as the car moved up front. Sitting next to the guy was another man...