I feel so BLAH...

In laws arrival in Mpls... Hubby's graduation... Memorial day weekend Mpls trip... In laws arrival in PHX... San Diego Trip... Connecticut... Niagara... Meeting good ol' buddies... Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Gaining pounds. Work. Work. Work. Work...Sleepless nights.........

Whatever....

Password please?

Trust, to me, is the basis of all relationships - especially marital. It is tough to build and easily broken. When you trust somoene, you dont feel the need to be guarded, to wrap yourself up in protective layers. You feel comfortable enough to be yourself- almost always. You do not find the necessity to keep things from your partner. In fact a lot of relationship gurus and elders constantly remind us about how important it is to have a relationship that involves open communication. That said, it takes time to build this trust for most people. Most of us gradually shed our layers one by one over the years when we feel secure enough with this other person. I would think it happens when your partner's words match with his or her actions and they're consistent with what they say and do.

I had a rather interesting conversation with a recently wedded friend of mine. This friend had a conventional "arranged" Indian wedding. So when we were chatting, the discussion hovered around sharing personal security information like passwords to email accounts etc and I was rather surprised when she said that she and her husband do not know each others' passwords and dont intend sharing it either. I dont know why I found it so hard to digest what she said.

For the records, N knows all of my passwords and on a lazy day - I've even asked him to log in to check my inbox for me. I am supposed to know his too- I just dont remember them because they're too complicated to memorize. That said, I have to admit that there are things that I will never disclose to anybody ever. Not because I dont trust - but because it is my own little personal space - which involves only me, my thoughts and my feelings. Plus it is better off
remaining that way.

Anyway, the point being, I always assumed husbands and wives, girlfriends and boyfriends shared stuff like this and it wasn't a big deal! I mean what could be so important and personal that your significant other shouldn't know? This was the first time that I heard something different and I was fairly amused! So now I am curious - how many of you would/do share such information with your partner? My friend also seems to think it is probably because of the whole arranged/non-arranged wedding thingy.But I beg to differ. I think even in arranged weddings you'll eventually share such information. What do you all think?

Spectrophobia

It was past 1 AM yesterday. I was feeling extremely uneasy. Work has kept me very busy this past month. I've been trying to be meticulous about getting my tasks done on time to save myself from pushing the panic button at the very end. But with all the other usual chores, its been physically draining. I think I managed not to burn out- but I've been tired. I think I reached the zenith this week and had to listen to my body. I decided to give it some rest and worked from home yesterday. Anyway, going back to 1 AM yesterday. I was twisting and turning , feeling warm one second and cold the next. Hardly comfortable. I was trying hard to get in to slumber, but the more I tried, the harder it got.

Pretty soon, my mind started playing games. I have the ability to let thoughts follow one another and form a massive chain that eventually leads to just one thing - imagining the presence of paranormal beings! As such, it takes only a door creak or a faint tap or a dog howling a mile away to get me up and alert. So then, when I am actually imagining something this absurd, I am absolutely queasy and pray hard for my mother to magically appear out of nowhere so that I can hug her and feel like nothing in the world can get anywhere close to me.

And then it started. I felt cold. I turned to my side instead of laying flat facing the ceiling. I wrapped myself with the comfortor, but dint want to shut my face. What if "it" suffocates me? And then I knew my face was out there in the open. "It" could see me. I felt a slight tingling sensation across my face. I freaked out. Oh! Cmon Arch! Its your damn hair blowing across your face because of the silly fan. Or maybe not?! If only I could go and reach out to Baba's picture from the poojai table - But that's 5 feet away!! What if it attacks me while I am walking to get swami's picture? Or even worse, what if "it" is right there in front of my eyes when I open them. NO! I am just going to keep them shut and say my prayers. "Swami...please nalla budhi kuduppa!!" It wasn't helping. I made a swift turn to my other side and grabbed the cell phone beneath the comfortor and covered myself. I frantically dialled the Minneapolis number only to reach his voicemail. I called my room mate and I could hear the phone go off in the hall! I gave up.

As I began to get tired and slowly got in to a subconscious state of mind, I jolted and woke myself up. I freaked out. DAMN! Thats it! I dont care - I am going to switch on the light come what may. I quickly switched on my reading lamp and did a quick survey of the room. Nothing abnormal. No movements. Even poor Nemo was lying on the far left corner of the bed - where I'd kicked him off to about a couple of hours before all this began. I decided I needed some company that night. I wasn't going to make it through and I was going to really have to beat some deadlines at work the next day. Plus I badly wanted to get some sleep. I walked gingerly towards the next room and woke up a rather confused soul. As humiliated as I felt, I dint care. "I had bad dreams - can you please sleep in my room tonight?"

I am often ridiculued at by guys - the likes of my brother, who seem to gain some kind of vicarious pleasure in scaring the heck out of me. And really, I dont pretend to be scared just to look cute. People who know me well enough, know that I rarely want to be perceived as a delicate darling. But when it comes to the paranormal, I really do get scared. So please be considerate. I dont know why it scares me. Its not like I've ever seen an apparition (and I dont want to either). I've just heard and read a lot of stories when I was young and I've seen a lot of movies too. But that's about it. I believe in the good - so I assume there must be evil out there. I dont know why I assume all spirits are evil. I mean, after all, they were all once humans like you and me. Even if they existed, why would they want to hurt anybody? They are just beings in their own world. Sometimes I think its just all these movies and the books that paint such an evil picture of the spirits. Its always about the unhappy soul that haunts the living. Why would you want to haunt somebody if he or she has done no harm to you?

I think its just the fear of the unknown. It is the fear of not knowing whats going to jump on to you from the darkness. Also possibly the fear of what they ultimately represent - Death. Normally, I think I am pretty logical about things. I dont believe in what I've not seen. You may ask - What about God then? It is good faith and a good feeing - I've experienced goodness and so I believe that must be the Good force. Some people call it God, some others good luck. Whatever it is that it is, I hope I can get myself to think rationally when I start creating my own little Ramsey drama in my brain! Or maybe, I should just stick to comedy!

Damn the Design

I've just had one of my outrages. I am still not out of it. I am irritated. Feel like throwing a brick on someone's pea-brain! Even better - a Nokia 2600 on its designers' heads! Seriously, doesn't it annoy the heck out of you when you can't get a seemingly trivial task done? All I wanted to do was to swap SIM cards between my existing Nokia instrument AND a new Nokia 2600 that I'd recently ordered. I COULDN'T. I'd been on its case since yesterday night. But yesterday was a totally different day! After a rather long work day and cooking and gymming and other chores, I hardly had any energy left. So I assumed my attempts at opening the back cover of the phone would be futile and decided to call it a day. And then it happened again today. I tried and tried and tried and the darn god forsaken piece of crappy plastic just wouldn't open. I swear I tried for 25 minutes straight before I decided that it perhaps needed "Guy Power". I pinged 3 of my guy friends...all 3 weren't readily available to take on the task! I gave up. I was hungry and needed a spike in my blood sugar levels. Food - I thought would help me accomplish this challenge. But hell NO!!!!!!! Another 15 minutes of sighing, swearing, hustling - No luck! That’s it! I'd had enough! I cursed at my luck for not having my husband around and googled for the closest AT&T store. I gathered my car keys, the phones and my wallet and walked towards my car, swearing at the guys who designed such a ridiculous device. After a 10 minute wait at the store, one of the guys offered to help. I was feeling utterly humiliated to have driven 3 miles just to open the damn cover of such a stupid phone. But I just had to do this, else I wouldn't sleep tonight. "Oh this model...It's a toughie"... he said. "Ya right!" I thought. "Why did you choose this one?" he asked. "I was eligible for an upgrade and this was free... DUH!!!" I said. And lo and behold...in all of 3 seconds he opened the darned thing. "You press this button down with your nail and push open the front cover like this. Just requires some patience" he explained. Patience and long nails - neither of which I possess. Wonder if designers forgot the mantra of USER FRIENDLINESS!! Beware! Tonight's not a good time - You might just see a red 2600 whistle past your head!

Marrying the "meat-eater"

I was born into a Tamil Brahmin, Iyer family and most certainly, bred like one. But having spent most of my childhood in the Middle East and having grown up with kids from all over Asia belonging to multi cultural groups, I have had the opportunity to have been exposed to so many interesting cultures, religions, traditions and of course people. Agreed - no one’s perfect and each community comes with its own baggage. But that doesn’t necessarily make one better than the other. I believe in the equality of cultures, religions, castes and sub-castes!! Perhaps the reason why I find myself alienated at times.

I read a short story, a beautiful one - about a Brahmin girl who falls in love with a non- Brahmin, but ends up marrying someone from her own community because of parental pressure and “society”. The story triggered a flurry of thoughts and emotions – sadness at first, anger next, resignation eventually. The story was dated back to the 1960s, but according to me, nothing much has changed over the last half century. Inter-caste/religion/lingual marriages are still frowned upon. I fail to understand their reasoning…

I can’t speak for other religions or castes, but I can say with confidence that in this day and age, I personally know very few Tam Brams who do anything remotely TamBram!!! Now defining a “True Tam Bram” is an interesting task in itself, but considering what most people think we are, here’s what a Tam Bram ought to be doing…

On top of the list would be to religiously wear the “poonal” (the sacred white thread) and perform the “Gayathri Jabam” or “Sandhya Vandanam” everyday… Gayathri? Sandhya? It is not an uncommon sight that fresh poonals are hunted for just before Avani avittam in August or any other occasion where the men are forced to display their 6 packs.

Abstain from alcohol and tobacco… Are you kidding me? What’s life with out the Bud or the M’boros!

Vegetarianism – and this does exclude eggs, onion or garlic…Times have changed my friends- we no longer fall under the ’thayir saadam‘ category– we too love the Chicken 65s and the Mutton Briyanis!

Don’t cross the seas!! No comments!


Now, I am not going to be a hypocrite. Yes I eat eggs and garlic and onions! No – I don’t eat meat – not because I was asked not to, but because I chose not to. I don’t believe in sucking some other beings’ blood for food. Period. As for the “crossing of seas”, if that’s what it is, then I lost my status of being one when I was a little over 180 days old! Anyways, my point is, if the number of souls that follows these rules is dwindling, then what is so sinful about a Brahmin marrying someone who isn’t one? Why does he or she become an outcast, looked upon shamefully as the outlier, the one that shamed his or her parents, is a rebel and is estranged from family? So what I am hearing is “It is ok to marry a Brahmin who drinks, smokes and eats meat (but has unlimited access to the poonal), but a BIG NO NO to someone that doesn’t indulge in any of these “pleasures”, but happens to be born in to some other community. Sad.

I understand parents’ concerns. A marriage is often said to be a union of two families, not just the couple. When one marries within the community, it is easier for him or her to adapt to the new family because we assume that families that belong to the same community follow similar practices, speak the same language, eat similar food and have similar lifestyles. But is that all? In a world of nuclear families where comfort and convenience are of more significance than traditions that have been passed over several generations of conditioned minds, would it really matter if an Iyer marries a Chettiar, or a Naidu or a Bengali!? We all know of arranged weddings that have turned sour thanks to pitiable low levels of tolerance. We have also heard and seen successful inter-community marriages that have lasted a lifetime. To me, what is more important is that the couple be compatible, be respectful of each other’s differences and accommodative of each other’s families.

Honestly, I had so much more to say when I started off with this blog, but I am tired of trying to prove a point, of trying to convince those who refuse to break open the cocoon and relieve themselves of their assumed pain. I guess I just don’t care that much anymore…

Tea Tale

The music of the meekly splashing waves against the stilts of the water bungalow, the red-orange ball of fire resigning for the day, the school of fish merrily prancing in the warm waters of the Indian ocean - ah! What a sight! What an experience. Together they sat on the wooden deck, sipping on their tea - freshly brewed Ceylone tea - Dilmah tea. She loved the taste- savoring every drop. She dint know if it was his presence, the ambience or the tea. She dint care. She was at peace. "We must buy it when we stop over at Colombo" she said, and true to her words, she bought 3 boxes of it, Ceylone Supreme and Ginger Green tea. She looked forward to drinking it, cherishing it and reliving the moments of bliss that the island had offered. Little did she know that Lady Luck had something else in store. She reached ARId-ZONe and there was no sign of her bag or her well packed, carefully wrapped Dilmah boxes. She was understandably upset and annoyed. Eventually, she got over it. Then one day, she said to him "I wish my bag dint go missing. I could have sipped on some Dilmah" and she continued to chitter-chatter about unimportant things. A week later she received a package. She opened it with utmost curiosity. She loved surprises- so she was sure she was going to love this. When she opened it, she had a wide big smile and lightly moistened eyes. There she saw were 3 big boxes of Dilmah tea - Ceylone supreme and Ginger Green tea. She realized it then - it wasn't the tea or the ambience :).

What's in a thali?

"So, how's married life?", asks the gal pal.

"Nothing different at all. Just an extra piece of jewellery around my neck.", I say.

"Oh- you still wear your thali?" she asks.

"hmm...ya, Why not?", I think.

The thali, a.k.a mangalsutra is a symbol of married Indian women - a chain worn around the neck. I have always wondered why the maamis go ballistic over the yellow thread. Now that I am married, I am even more curious. Most of my married girl friends do not wear it for one or more of the following reasons:

• Top most reason - Fashion - It doesn't go well with the halter necks and the tube tops! They also compare wearing one to fashion disasters that include wearing T-shirt and Jeans along with Big Bindis, Plaited Hair and Malligai Poo (Jasmine Flowers)
• Long, heavy and plain inconvenient - Especially while sleeping. It coils around the neck, ears and forehead.
• "I dont have to wear the thali to display reverence to my husband".
• "I dont have to wear it to prove my affinity towards Tamil culture".

....and so on.

I know for a fact that most of the "modern day women" wear it on occasions - when a maami invites them over for Varalakshmi nombu or Golu, or when they head to a temple or attend weddings. Other than that, it lies coiled in jewel boxes. So why the hypocrisy?

What is the true significance of the thali? It is absurd to assume that the thali protects the husband. It is after all a piece of precious metal. Why do tamil movies thrive on the thali sentiment? Is it really that important to women?

It is possible, that in the past it was tied by the man to symbolize his "ownership" over the lady. To symbolize that he is her protector and that he is committed to take care of her. It probably was also meant to be a sign for other men to stay away from her and let them know that she's taken. But times have changed and none of these assumptions make much sense anymore. So why do women still attribute so much significance to it?

For the records, I do wear mine. I have two of them actually. The more traditional 22 carat gold kodi with the gundu manis and the thulasi maadams. And then the more sleek gold chain with a single tiny thulasi maadam on it. It hardly looks like one, but my in-laws thoughtfully presented it to me, so that I could wear it everyday without having to forgo fashion or comfort! And so I wear it because it honestly doesn't bother me. More so because it keeps the parents happy. I used to switch between the bigger and smaller one depending on whether I headed out to the gym or a fancy dine out place. And then I found the whole process ridiculous and cumbersome. So now I just wear the simpler of the two and I hardly notice it anymore.

I do respect Tamil culture, but not necessarily subscribe to all of its jing-bangs. So for instance, I do not wear a bindi when I wear jeans or any western outfit, because I think it doesn't really go well with it. But I do for sure if I am clad in any Indian attire. My mom's voice usually reaches high frequencies when I am back home in Chennai and it is 6 pm and "velakku ethare neram" and I prance around sans the "Pottu". It usually raises a "Enna archu idu? Sayangalam velakethra neram, poi moonja alambindu nethikittukko" from her. But the same amma doesn't mind it much when she's in foreign land either.

So why are we really striving to stick on to these acts? Do they mean anything at all in today's world? Would you men mind it if your wife dint wear a bindi or her thali? Do these symbols really help her gaurd against other men? I wonder...

Small Things Challenge

Tiny Drops of water make the ocean. For all those who want to do their bit to those in need, please visit:

http://www.smallthingschallenge.com/

It is organized by Intel and I can assure you that your contribution will reach the right hands.

Thanks,
Archana

Salim-Sulaiman - ^C ^V

So we know Bollywood composers are famous for being "inspired" by others' music. But here's another kind. Use one tune across multiple movies with the same Panju theme! Duh!

Check this one out:
Beginning of Song "Haule Haule" from RNBDJ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9xUxd-S9pY

And then this one from Singh is King:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIflk3EzoK4&feature=related - @ 5:48.

Cmon ppl!!

The etymology of "loosu pattani"

My tamizh aint the best. I concur. But it isn't too bad either. I think it must the Dubai effect. As a child, I grew up in the Middle East - away from Chennai and its lingo. I did formally learn the language in primary school. But spoken tamil has always been a bit of a problem - at least the world makes it seem so. Whatever I learnt, I learnt from amma. But some how nobody ridicules her. I end up bearing the brunt of it all. I sometimes wonder why. Mostly I ignore. I think it is because of the way my brain processes it. Perhaps I think in English and then translate my thoughts in to Tamil and by the time it actually makes it out of my mouth it sounds like the "Junoon" tamil or something like that. I also like to coin words - which really dont make much sense as such, but they do have context. So then there's "loosaandi bulbul", "vetti peas", "ulu ula" etc. And then there's loosu pattani. I've been asked on several occasions to offer a sane explanation as to what it actually means.

So here goes:

Loosu Pattani: (Adj) Literal Meaning - Crazy Peas. Contextual Meaning - It can be used pretty much anywhere. Mostly coined to affectionately abuse friends.

The word caught on and I got christened "Pattani". So that's that.

So then there's this blog that was named by one pattani! And then there was a tamilgrounds account that was given the same name by another one. Recently during a bizarre conversation with my sis-in-law's fiance Anand, I was pretty amused to find out that half of America's Tamil population had perhaps used this account for viewing Kollywood's movies during summer of '05. It was supposed to be a "top secret" account created only for the viewing pleasure of 8 souls who had split $10/month out of their poor grad school pockets to catch up on all the Tam movies they had missed since they'd stepped in to the US of A a year ago. But of course secrets are always meant to be shared- and so there were tam students in California and New Jersey and Ohio and Florida that logged in to loosu pattani and watched all they could and ofcourse they never knew who it was or what it meant.

So Anand knew "pattani" even before he knew me! And now I am curious. I'd really want to know how many people really used this acc. If you were one of those who did, then leave me a comment. I think you owe us one! :)

The poet that I was...

It was one of those quiet evenings (from what I vaguely remember) and I was listening to some melodious Rafi's pieces on "Coney" tape. I have no idea what came over me and well here's the result of one of those zany creative moments.
Btw this one is dated December 4, 2000.

unki yaad mein..

subah mein suraj , raath ki jhilmil sithare..

aaj kal lagthe hain thode aur bhi pyaaren

phoolon ki gulshan, hawa ki hulchul

na jaane kyon meethi hai har pal

bhool tho nahi sakthi hun us din ko main panchi

usi ka asar hai muj par , ki aaj mein badli ithni

chulbuli bhavrein jaise , shararath bachi jaisi

baathein aur vaadein karthi , ab na jaane yeh badlaav kaisi

kator samajthi thi apne aapko

pyaar ki kaabil kabhi nahin

is kator dil ko bhi phigal diya hai

ab khud ko kho diya hun kahi

dil jhoom utthi hai, unhe dekhkar

unki woh aankhen, unki woh muskurahat

nazar se nazar milkar dho shabdh kahna

isi se hotha hai man mein gabrahat

dimag kahtha na , man kahtha hai kah dena

ab tho na rah sakthi aapke bina

bathein tho karthi hun unse

pagli jaisi duhrathi hun sab kuch

man ki bathein kahne se darthi

diwana hai yeh mohabbath sach much

dar hai mujhe us pal ki

jab denge mere pyaar ki jawab woh

na kah dethe , tho maan lo

ek aur kshan nahi jeena hai mujko

kya karoon panchi ? main kya kahoon?

Kya ab aasi hi haalath hogi

Pyaar,ishq,mohabbath

Kya inke jawaab waqth hi deghi ??

PS: I'd really appreciate if people would ignore the Ka, Ki and Ke "ki" maathras!
And thx shank for hunting down this one for me! :)

Happy 2009 !

May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs and your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise.

Have a fantastic 2009!

-Archana