I was born into a Tamil Brahmin, Iyer family and most certainly, bred like one. But having spent most of my childhood in the Middle East and having grown up with kids from all over Asia belonging to multi cultural groups, I have had the opportunity to have been exposed to so many interesting cultures, religions, traditions and of course people. Agreed - no one’s perfect and each community comes with its own baggage. But that doesn’t necessarily make one better than the other. I believe in the equality of cultures, religions, castes and sub-castes!! Perhaps the reason why I find myself alienated at times.
I read a short story, a beautiful one - about a Brahmin girl who falls in love with a non- Brahmin, but ends up marrying someone from her own community because of parental pressure and “society”. The story triggered a flurry of thoughts and emotions – sadness at first, anger next, resignation eventually. The story was dated back to the 1960s, but according to me, nothing much has changed over the last half century. Inter-caste/religion/lingual marriages are still frowned upon. I fail to understand their reasoning…
I can’t speak for other religions or castes, but I can say with confidence that in this day and age, I personally know very few Tam Brams who do anything remotely TamBram!!! Now defining a “True Tam Bram” is an interesting task in itself, but considering what most people think we are, here’s what a Tam Bram ought to be doing…
On top of the list would be to religiously wear the “poonal” (the sacred white thread) and perform the “Gayathri Jabam” or “Sandhya Vandanam” everyday… Gayathri? Sandhya? It is not an uncommon sight that fresh poonals are hunted for just before Avani avittam in August or any other occasion where the men are forced to display their 6 packs.
I read a short story, a beautiful one - about a Brahmin girl who falls in love with a non- Brahmin, but ends up marrying someone from her own community because of parental pressure and “society”. The story triggered a flurry of thoughts and emotions – sadness at first, anger next, resignation eventually. The story was dated back to the 1960s, but according to me, nothing much has changed over the last half century. Inter-caste/religion/lingual marriages are still frowned upon. I fail to understand their reasoning…
I can’t speak for other religions or castes, but I can say with confidence that in this day and age, I personally know very few Tam Brams who do anything remotely TamBram!!! Now defining a “True Tam Bram” is an interesting task in itself, but considering what most people think we are, here’s what a Tam Bram ought to be doing…
On top of the list would be to religiously wear the “poonal” (the sacred white thread) and perform the “Gayathri Jabam” or “Sandhya Vandanam” everyday… Gayathri? Sandhya? It is not an uncommon sight that fresh poonals are hunted for just before Avani avittam in August or any other occasion where the men are forced to display their 6 packs.
Abstain from alcohol and tobacco… Are you kidding me? What’s life with out the Bud or the M’boros!
Vegetarianism – and this does exclude eggs, onion or garlic…Times have changed my friends- we no longer fall under the ’thayir saadam‘ category– we too love the Chicken 65s and the Mutton Briyanis!
Don’t cross the seas!! No comments!
Now, I am not going to be a hypocrite. Yes I eat eggs and garlic and onions! No – I don’t eat meat – not because I was asked not to, but because I chose not to. I don’t believe in sucking some other beings’ blood for food. Period. As for the “crossing of seas”, if that’s what it is, then I lost my status of being one when I was a little over 180 days old! Anyways, my point is, if the number of souls that follows these rules is dwindling, then what is so sinful about a Brahmin marrying someone who isn’t one? Why does he or she become an outcast, looked upon shamefully as the outlier, the one that shamed his or her parents, is a rebel and is estranged from family? So what I am hearing is “It is ok to marry a Brahmin who drinks, smokes and eats meat (but has unlimited access to the poonal), but a BIG NO NO to someone that doesn’t indulge in any of these “pleasures”, but happens to be born in to some other community. Sad.
I understand parents’ concerns. A marriage is often said to be a union of two families, not just the couple. When one marries within the community, it is easier for him or her to adapt to the new family because we assume that families that belong to the same community follow similar practices, speak the same language, eat similar food and have similar lifestyles. But is that all? In a world of nuclear families where comfort and convenience are of more significance than traditions that have been passed over several generations of conditioned minds, would it really matter if an Iyer marries a Chettiar, or a Naidu or a Bengali!? We all know of arranged weddings that have turned sour thanks to pitiable low levels of tolerance. We have also heard and seen successful inter-community marriages that have lasted a lifetime. To me, what is more important is that the couple be compatible, be respectful of each other’s differences and accommodative of each other’s families.
Honestly, I had so much more to say when I started off with this blog, but I am tired of trying to prove a point, of trying to convince those who refuse to break open the cocoon and relieve themselves of their assumed pain. I guess I just don’t care that much anymore…
