Gratitude Journal - 03/25/2020 (Reminder to self)

I am tired you guys. Exhausted. One of those days when I just want to stay in my shell until my brain settles down. One of those days when I am ready to quit on my gratitude journal. It’s almost 10:00 PM and I am ready to call it a day.

But before I do that...
Even though some days last longer than expected, I am grateful for having a job that I enjoy.
Even though I was interrupted only 20 times within the 5 minutes that I was attempting to enjoy my amma’s pakoras, I am grateful for having her around to help bring cheer to this shelter-in-place situation and I am grateful for having two kids that want my attention.
Even though I was less than pleased that my meticulously chalked out day and evening break dint go as planned, I am grateful that N kept A1 away from me this afternoon so I could get work stuff done.

How was your day?

Gratitude Journal - 03/24/2020 (Relaxation)

Today’s Gratitude Prompt: What are some things that make you relax? 

Mine are:
Music - Always...
Pilates - In the more recent past...
And these goof pots - At the end of  long days that don't involve them 😄

What are yours?

Gratitude journal - 03/23/2020 (Quote)

Today has been long and I have miles to go before I can sleep. I often remember some of my favorite quotes/sayings to motivate myself to keep going.

My go-to quote these days is:
“There is peace on the other side of acceptance. There is stress in any other state.”

Today’s gratitude prompt: What is/are your favorite quote(s)/saying(s) that lifts your spirits?

Gratitude journal - 03/22/2020 (Food)

Today’s gratitude prompt: What is one food that you enjoy a lot?

I am going to break the rules here for a bit because there’s more than just ‘one food’; it’s more like a meal! 😄
My mom (and grand mom’s) kallakai pooshnikai Kootu (a.k.a peanut and pumpkin stew) + urlakazhangu roast (potato fry) combo followed by paal poli (

What’s yours?

Gratitude Journal - 03/21/2020 (Nature)

Today’s prompt:
What is something about nature that you are grateful for?

I am a big sucker for sun rises, sun sets and full moon views! It’s SO humbling and calming. 

Gratitude journal - 03/20/2020 (Peaceful)

Today’s prompt: What is one of your most peaceful moments of the day?

Mine is watching my kids asleep. It truly explodes my heart and reenforces the fact that unconditional love exists.

Gratitude Journal - 03/19/2020 (Kick-off)

Just like every one of you reading this, I feel like I am living in a surreal world right now. While I am overwhelmed by the negativity, I have tremendous faith in our human race and I truly hope that we can turn this around. May be this is just a rude awakening for all of us to step back and acknowledge that we are indeed (in Carl Sagan's words) just a Pale Blue Dot ?

With that thought in mind, I am starting a Gratitude journal today and I'd love it if you all can join in the positivity. Every day I'll post a gratitude prompt, the answers to which will hopefully remind me (and anyone that would like to join) of ALL the positive things that we should be grateful for.

PS: This is a "no-judgement-keep-the-anonymity-if-you'd-like-zone".

Today's question: Let's start simple - What are you grateful for today?

I am grateful for the 15 minutes that I spent with my entire family last night when we actually gathered together and laughed about nothing in particular (I can't remember the last time we did that).

Your turn...

A gift for you...On your third birthday

I can't believe that it has been three years since you happened to us. As each birthday passes by, I wonder how beautiful the past year has been. It always feel like it was the best year ever until the next one happens and that one is even better!

Sometimes, when I watch you asleep – that peaceful and cherubic face, there is this bursting and maddening sense of love and affection that overwhelms me. Eons ago, when thatha and ammamma would plant a million kisses on me and utter countless “chella-kutti”s & “We-love-you”s, I thought that they were crazy…Now I know better. J

I truly hope that I can play my part in inculcating in you respect and compassion for others and to be a good citizen of this world. This past month’s events have planted a seed of fear and doubt in how safe this world will be for you as you grow up. But when I think about all the goodness that still exists around us and when I realize that it is us parents that have to play a critical role in creating a safe and joyous environment for the next generation to bloom, I am excited for what the future holds for you!

Happy birthday kuttima! We love you to the moon and back to infinity & beyond forever and ever! J

A gift for you on your 'First Month' Birthday...

My dearest Chikloos,
It was exactly a month ago that I woke up to yet another 'exciting' work day. I had my weekly appointment with the doc later that afternoon to make sure that you were still nice and cozy in my tummy. In an unexpected turn of events, it turned out that even my placenta had become all tired by week 38 and they figured that you'd do better if we got you out. They said that you were ready for this world. For those few minutes after the doc broke the news, I suddenly wasn't.

As she gave Appa and myself a few minutes to ourselves while stepping out to call the hospital and inform them of our arrival later that evening, drops rolled down my cheeks uncontrollably. 'What the heck! I have a meeting to attend at 4', I told Appa. 'Loosu' he said and smiled - 'we are going to have a baby by tomorrow!'....

I get very frequently ridiculed at by family and very close friends for being a control freak and for my incessant necessity to plan. Little did I know that even my labor was going to be chalked out meticulously. So we went home, packed our hospital bags and checked off all the items on the already prepared checklists. I even had time for a long shower and a leisurely early dinner. I had a million thoughts running through my head - it was hardly about the next 24 hours. It was about life after we brought you home. It was mostly a self evaluation to determine if I'd make a ‘good’ mom.

Once at the hospital, the waiting process began that night. Turns out you were ready to come out, but I wasn't. After several hours of wait, induced labor, they breaking my water, the three God-forbidden pokes into my spine, the contractions, you not liking pitocin, me losing my blood pressure and they finally deciding to cut me open to get you out safe – all seem like one big hazy dream.

I neither have ever dreaded surgery nor have I been nervous about enduring physical pain. But what scared me more at that point was that they got you out safe. You were “tiny”, the ultra sound scans said. Everyone said it wasn’t a big deal; that we could get the pounds added on to you once you were out. I was still nervous. I got a lot of advice from the elders and friends during pregnancy – to stay happy and calm; to listen to melodious music; to think happy thoughts and be as less stressful as possible. The reality was far from it. Pregnancy wasn’t really the way it’s generally romanticized in the movies and I was always nervous that you wouldn’t take it too well. But you were a strong boy – constantly reminding me of your presence all those 9 months and riding through the rough waters with me.

As I lay there on the operation bed, I knew I was all numb - chest below. But at 11:55 AM on the 13th of July, I heard your first cry and I choked. They lifted you over the “wall” and I had a glimpse of bloody you for a couple of seconds. I dint get enough of you, but they had to take you away. Appa went away with you as they cleaned you up. I was waiting patiently as I heard the docs continuing to operate on me to sew me back up. It took forever. They were talking about their weekend plans. I couldn’t have cared less. And then I saw you again – you were perfect! And then they took you away….again. Appa left with you.

Once I was back at the post labor/recovery room, I spent my first few moments with you - observing you from head to toe. You looked nothing like me :). You were all Appa. I was feeling great the day you were born. I was pretty impressed with myself for being up and active after a surgery. By the next morning, I realized it was simply the excitement of having finally seen you and all the pain meds. Once I was taken off of the epidural and the catheter and I was asked to sit up for the first time in 24 hrs, I realized I’d lost all of my core strength. I dint know sitting up could be so difficult.

Over the next few days, once I headed back home, I felt weaker and weaker. More than the physical pain, it was frustrating to not be able to do even the simple things by myself. It was as if you and I had to discover and learn together, the ability to move. I watched everyone around me bonding with you. I had no energy to play with you, to cuddle with you, to calm you down in the middle of the night. It was painful. I watched the days and nights pass by – struggling to feed you. I felt like a vending machine for several days devoid of emotion sometimes. I was exhausted. Emotions were at their peak at other times; water works galore.

Today you are a month old and I feel that we’ve come so far along already. You have taught me a virtue that no one else has thus far succeeded in instilling in me – PATIENCE! There are still days when I feel like pulling my hair and screaming out loud when you wail away to glory at exclusively chosen times of the night. I know I have uttered many a “ennada Advaith!!!” in frustration, only to weep myself to sleep that I raised my voice against a few weeks old tiny tot whose only mode of communication is crying. And then there are nights when you are so chamathu and go off to sleep right away after a feed. But it still scares me that you are unusually quiet and I keep coming over to check on you to make sure you are doing OK.

You should also know that you are very lucky to have such a doting family. Appa adores you – I have never seen him this possessive about anyone in life before. Ammamma and thatha love you to bits and they are a constant reminder that family is always there to support us no matter what. Bombay paati and thatha cannot get enough of you and cannot wait to jump on to the plane to come spoil you.

Just like how you dint come with a user manual, nothing in life so far has ever prepped me for this new job. But I promise I’ll get better. I’ll learn with you. I take great pride in the little nothings that you do already. I so look forward to interacting with you as you grow up. I am excited to show you the world that is out there – to support you through the tough times, to share your love and excitement for whatever it is that you choose to be passionate about. Just give Amma a little time to get back to her normal physical self – am sure she will be a better person :). Happy ‘First Month’ Birthday sweety!

Love,
Amma

Eternal Sunshine of the Complex Mind

A gloomy Monday evening it was

Cloudy, dark and hazy

Much like the human mind

Tangled, twisted and crazy

The fury of the thunderstorms

A restless angry mind

Flashes of lightening strike

Like piercing words so unkind

Little drops of water they were

Trickling down the cheek

Faster and heavier they got

There was no end to seek

Passing clouds they said they were

Rays of hope you'll see

Clouds move on and so does life

Eternal sunshine - waiting for thee

And so I blogged...

A lot of water has flown under the bridge since my last post...I've been meaning to blog for a long time now. As always procrastination took the front seat...And so here's my attempt at getting back into the blogging scene...

On one of our telephonic antakshari sessions several months ago, N and I started singing "Oh Maha Zeeye" from Tamizh Padam and then got in to a little game where we decided to pen down the names of the movies that were put together to compose this song.

Here's what we ended up with:

Oh Mohalai...(Manasukkul - Arasatchi)

Oh Maha Zeeya…Oh Maha Zeeya… Uyirin Uyire (Kakke Kakke)
Nakka Mukka Nakka…. (Nakka Mukka - Kathalil Vizhunden)
Oh Shakalakka… (Shakalaka Baby - Mudhalvan)
Oh Randakka…(x2) (Randakka - Anniyan)

Oh Laahi Oh Laahi… (Yedho Yedho - Laysa Laysa)
Ayaka Yahi Yahi… (Puyale Puyale - Kovil)
Me Hoo…Me Hoo…. (Muthal Mazhai - Bheema)
Dailamo Dailamo… (Dailamo Dailamo - Dishoom)
Rahtulla Sonali Oh… (Rahtulla - Gajini); Sonali Oh - (Mutharkanave - Majnu/ Kadhalikkum - Chellame)

Oh Maha Zeeya…Oh Maha Zeeya… Uyirin Uyire (Kakke Kakke)
Nakka Mukka Nakka…. (Nakka Mukka-Kathalil Vizhunden)
Oh Shakalakka…(Shakalaka Baby - Mudhalvan)
Oh Randakka… (Randakka - Anniyan)

Samba Sambale… (Thotta power - Thotti Jaya)
Osose Sayo Sayo…(Mercury Mele - Majnu)
Hasili Fisili… (Hasili Fisili - Aadhavan)
Ilahi…(Yedho Yedho - Laysa Laysa)
Yappa Jippa…(x2) ???

Dailamo Dailamo…Ballelakka…(x2) (Dailamo Dailamo - Dishoom; Ballelakka - Sivaji)

Nakka Mukka Nakka… (Nakka Mukka - Kathalil Vizhunden)
Oh Shakalakka…(Shakalaka Baby - Mudhalvan)
Oh Randakka… (Randakka - Anniyan)

Oh Maha Zeeya…Oh Maha Zeeya… Uyirin Uyire (Kakke Kakke)
Nakka Mukka Nakka…(Nakka Mukka-Kathalil Vizhunden)
Oh Shakalakka…(Shakalaka Baby - Mudhalvan)
Oh Randakka… (Randakka - Anniyan)

Eh sala sala… (Aegan - Aegan)
Isk borara… (Iskbarara - Pattalam)
Osaka Moraiya…(Osaka Moraiya - Alli Arjuna)
Boom boom jakaka…(Boom Boom - Boys)
Mukalla…(Mukkala - Kadhalan)
Mayya Mayya…(x2) (Mayya Mayya - Guru)

Laalakku…Laalakku…Dolda pima…(x2) (Laalakku - Suriyan)

Nakka Mukka Nakka…(Nakka Mukka-Kathalil Vizhunden)
Oh Shakalakka…(Shakalaka Baby - Mudhalvan)
Oh Randakka… (Randakka - Anniyan)

Oh Maha Zeeya…Oh Maha Zeeya… Uyirin Uyire (Kakke Kakke)
Nakka Mukka Nakka…(Nakka Mukka-Kathalil Vizhunden)
Oh Shakalakka…(Shakalaka Baby - Mudhalvan)
Oh Randakka… (Randakka - Anniyan)

Oh Laahi Oh Laahi… (Yedho Yedho - Laysa Laysa)
Ayaka Yahi Yahi… (Puyale Puyale - Kovil)
Me Hoo…Me Hoo…. (Muthal Mazhai - Bheema)
Dailamo Dailamo… (Dailamo Dailamo - Dishoom)
Rahtulla Sonali Oh… (Rahtulla - Gajini)

Oh Maha Zeeya…Oh Maha Zeeya… Uyirin Uyire (Kakke Kakke)
Nakka Mukka Nakka…(Nakka Mukka-Kathalil Vizhunden)
Oh Shakalakka…(Shakalaka Baby - Mudhalvan)
Oh Randakka… (Randakka - Anniyan)

We still haven't figured out the source of "Yappa Jippa"...

Any guesses?

I feel so BLAH...

In laws arrival in Mpls... Hubby's graduation... Memorial day weekend Mpls trip... In laws arrival in PHX... San Diego Trip... Connecticut... Niagara... Meeting good ol' buddies... Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Gaining pounds. Work. Work. Work. Work...Sleepless nights.........

Whatever....

Password please?

Trust, to me, is the basis of all relationships - especially marital. It is tough to build and easily broken. When you trust somoene, you dont feel the need to be guarded, to wrap yourself up in protective layers. You feel comfortable enough to be yourself- almost always. You do not find the necessity to keep things from your partner. In fact a lot of relationship gurus and elders constantly remind us about how important it is to have a relationship that involves open communication. That said, it takes time to build this trust for most people. Most of us gradually shed our layers one by one over the years when we feel secure enough with this other person. I would think it happens when your partner's words match with his or her actions and they're consistent with what they say and do.

I had a rather interesting conversation with a recently wedded friend of mine. This friend had a conventional "arranged" Indian wedding. So when we were chatting, the discussion hovered around sharing personal security information like passwords to email accounts etc and I was rather surprised when she said that she and her husband do not know each others' passwords and dont intend sharing it either. I dont know why I found it so hard to digest what she said.

For the records, N knows all of my passwords and on a lazy day - I've even asked him to log in to check my inbox for me. I am supposed to know his too- I just dont remember them because they're too complicated to memorize. That said, I have to admit that there are things that I will never disclose to anybody ever. Not because I dont trust - but because it is my own little personal space - which involves only me, my thoughts and my feelings. Plus it is better off
remaining that way.

Anyway, the point being, I always assumed husbands and wives, girlfriends and boyfriends shared stuff like this and it wasn't a big deal! I mean what could be so important and personal that your significant other shouldn't know? This was the first time that I heard something different and I was fairly amused! So now I am curious - how many of you would/do share such information with your partner? My friend also seems to think it is probably because of the whole arranged/non-arranged wedding thingy.But I beg to differ. I think even in arranged weddings you'll eventually share such information. What do you all think?

Spectrophobia

It was past 1 AM yesterday. I was feeling extremely uneasy. Work has kept me very busy this past month. I've been trying to be meticulous about getting my tasks done on time to save myself from pushing the panic button at the very end. But with all the other usual chores, its been physically draining. I think I managed not to burn out- but I've been tired. I think I reached the zenith this week and had to listen to my body. I decided to give it some rest and worked from home yesterday. Anyway, going back to 1 AM yesterday. I was twisting and turning , feeling warm one second and cold the next. Hardly comfortable. I was trying hard to get in to slumber, but the more I tried, the harder it got.

Pretty soon, my mind started playing games. I have the ability to let thoughts follow one another and form a massive chain that eventually leads to just one thing - imagining the presence of paranormal beings! As such, it takes only a door creak or a faint tap or a dog howling a mile away to get me up and alert. So then, when I am actually imagining something this absurd, I am absolutely queasy and pray hard for my mother to magically appear out of nowhere so that I can hug her and feel like nothing in the world can get anywhere close to me.

And then it started. I felt cold. I turned to my side instead of laying flat facing the ceiling. I wrapped myself with the comfortor, but dint want to shut my face. What if "it" suffocates me? And then I knew my face was out there in the open. "It" could see me. I felt a slight tingling sensation across my face. I freaked out. Oh! Cmon Arch! Its your damn hair blowing across your face because of the silly fan. Or maybe not?! If only I could go and reach out to Baba's picture from the poojai table - But that's 5 feet away!! What if it attacks me while I am walking to get swami's picture? Or even worse, what if "it" is right there in front of my eyes when I open them. NO! I am just going to keep them shut and say my prayers. "Swami...please nalla budhi kuduppa!!" It wasn't helping. I made a swift turn to my other side and grabbed the cell phone beneath the comfortor and covered myself. I frantically dialled the Minneapolis number only to reach his voicemail. I called my room mate and I could hear the phone go off in the hall! I gave up.

As I began to get tired and slowly got in to a subconscious state of mind, I jolted and woke myself up. I freaked out. DAMN! Thats it! I dont care - I am going to switch on the light come what may. I quickly switched on my reading lamp and did a quick survey of the room. Nothing abnormal. No movements. Even poor Nemo was lying on the far left corner of the bed - where I'd kicked him off to about a couple of hours before all this began. I decided I needed some company that night. I wasn't going to make it through and I was going to really have to beat some deadlines at work the next day. Plus I badly wanted to get some sleep. I walked gingerly towards the next room and woke up a rather confused soul. As humiliated as I felt, I dint care. "I had bad dreams - can you please sleep in my room tonight?"

I am often ridiculued at by guys - the likes of my brother, who seem to gain some kind of vicarious pleasure in scaring the heck out of me. And really, I dont pretend to be scared just to look cute. People who know me well enough, know that I rarely want to be perceived as a delicate darling. But when it comes to the paranormal, I really do get scared. So please be considerate. I dont know why it scares me. Its not like I've ever seen an apparition (and I dont want to either). I've just heard and read a lot of stories when I was young and I've seen a lot of movies too. But that's about it. I believe in the good - so I assume there must be evil out there. I dont know why I assume all spirits are evil. I mean, after all, they were all once humans like you and me. Even if they existed, why would they want to hurt anybody? They are just beings in their own world. Sometimes I think its just all these movies and the books that paint such an evil picture of the spirits. Its always about the unhappy soul that haunts the living. Why would you want to haunt somebody if he or she has done no harm to you?

I think its just the fear of the unknown. It is the fear of not knowing whats going to jump on to you from the darkness. Also possibly the fear of what they ultimately represent - Death. Normally, I think I am pretty logical about things. I dont believe in what I've not seen. You may ask - What about God then? It is good faith and a good feeing - I've experienced goodness and so I believe that must be the Good force. Some people call it God, some others good luck. Whatever it is that it is, I hope I can get myself to think rationally when I start creating my own little Ramsey drama in my brain! Or maybe, I should just stick to comedy!

Damn the Design

I've just had one of my outrages. I am still not out of it. I am irritated. Feel like throwing a brick on someone's pea-brain! Even better - a Nokia 2600 on its designers' heads! Seriously, doesn't it annoy the heck out of you when you can't get a seemingly trivial task done? All I wanted to do was to swap SIM cards between my existing Nokia instrument AND a new Nokia 2600 that I'd recently ordered. I COULDN'T. I'd been on its case since yesterday night. But yesterday was a totally different day! After a rather long work day and cooking and gymming and other chores, I hardly had any energy left. So I assumed my attempts at opening the back cover of the phone would be futile and decided to call it a day. And then it happened again today. I tried and tried and tried and the darn god forsaken piece of crappy plastic just wouldn't open. I swear I tried for 25 minutes straight before I decided that it perhaps needed "Guy Power". I pinged 3 of my guy friends...all 3 weren't readily available to take on the task! I gave up. I was hungry and needed a spike in my blood sugar levels. Food - I thought would help me accomplish this challenge. But hell NO!!!!!!! Another 15 minutes of sighing, swearing, hustling - No luck! That’s it! I'd had enough! I cursed at my luck for not having my husband around and googled for the closest AT&T store. I gathered my car keys, the phones and my wallet and walked towards my car, swearing at the guys who designed such a ridiculous device. After a 10 minute wait at the store, one of the guys offered to help. I was feeling utterly humiliated to have driven 3 miles just to open the damn cover of such a stupid phone. But I just had to do this, else I wouldn't sleep tonight. "Oh this model...It's a toughie"... he said. "Ya right!" I thought. "Why did you choose this one?" he asked. "I was eligible for an upgrade and this was free... DUH!!!" I said. And lo and behold...in all of 3 seconds he opened the darned thing. "You press this button down with your nail and push open the front cover like this. Just requires some patience" he explained. Patience and long nails - neither of which I possess. Wonder if designers forgot the mantra of USER FRIENDLINESS!! Beware! Tonight's not a good time - You might just see a red 2600 whistle past your head!

Marrying the "meat-eater"

I was born into a Tamil Brahmin, Iyer family and most certainly, bred like one. But having spent most of my childhood in the Middle East and having grown up with kids from all over Asia belonging to multi cultural groups, I have had the opportunity to have been exposed to so many interesting cultures, religions, traditions and of course people. Agreed - no one’s perfect and each community comes with its own baggage. But that doesn’t necessarily make one better than the other. I believe in the equality of cultures, religions, castes and sub-castes!! Perhaps the reason why I find myself alienated at times.

I read a short story, a beautiful one - about a Brahmin girl who falls in love with a non- Brahmin, but ends up marrying someone from her own community because of parental pressure and “society”. The story triggered a flurry of thoughts and emotions – sadness at first, anger next, resignation eventually. The story was dated back to the 1960s, but according to me, nothing much has changed over the last half century. Inter-caste/religion/lingual marriages are still frowned upon. I fail to understand their reasoning…

I can’t speak for other religions or castes, but I can say with confidence that in this day and age, I personally know very few Tam Brams who do anything remotely TamBram!!! Now defining a “True Tam Bram” is an interesting task in itself, but considering what most people think we are, here’s what a Tam Bram ought to be doing…

On top of the list would be to religiously wear the “poonal” (the sacred white thread) and perform the “Gayathri Jabam” or “Sandhya Vandanam” everyday… Gayathri? Sandhya? It is not an uncommon sight that fresh poonals are hunted for just before Avani avittam in August or any other occasion where the men are forced to display their 6 packs.

Abstain from alcohol and tobacco… Are you kidding me? What’s life with out the Bud or the M’boros!

Vegetarianism – and this does exclude eggs, onion or garlic…Times have changed my friends- we no longer fall under the ’thayir saadam‘ category– we too love the Chicken 65s and the Mutton Briyanis!

Don’t cross the seas!! No comments!


Now, I am not going to be a hypocrite. Yes I eat eggs and garlic and onions! No – I don’t eat meat – not because I was asked not to, but because I chose not to. I don’t believe in sucking some other beings’ blood for food. Period. As for the “crossing of seas”, if that’s what it is, then I lost my status of being one when I was a little over 180 days old! Anyways, my point is, if the number of souls that follows these rules is dwindling, then what is so sinful about a Brahmin marrying someone who isn’t one? Why does he or she become an outcast, looked upon shamefully as the outlier, the one that shamed his or her parents, is a rebel and is estranged from family? So what I am hearing is “It is ok to marry a Brahmin who drinks, smokes and eats meat (but has unlimited access to the poonal), but a BIG NO NO to someone that doesn’t indulge in any of these “pleasures”, but happens to be born in to some other community. Sad.

I understand parents’ concerns. A marriage is often said to be a union of two families, not just the couple. When one marries within the community, it is easier for him or her to adapt to the new family because we assume that families that belong to the same community follow similar practices, speak the same language, eat similar food and have similar lifestyles. But is that all? In a world of nuclear families where comfort and convenience are of more significance than traditions that have been passed over several generations of conditioned minds, would it really matter if an Iyer marries a Chettiar, or a Naidu or a Bengali!? We all know of arranged weddings that have turned sour thanks to pitiable low levels of tolerance. We have also heard and seen successful inter-community marriages that have lasted a lifetime. To me, what is more important is that the couple be compatible, be respectful of each other’s differences and accommodative of each other’s families.

Honestly, I had so much more to say when I started off with this blog, but I am tired of trying to prove a point, of trying to convince those who refuse to break open the cocoon and relieve themselves of their assumed pain. I guess I just don’t care that much anymore…

Tea Tale

The music of the meekly splashing waves against the stilts of the water bungalow, the red-orange ball of fire resigning for the day, the school of fish merrily prancing in the warm waters of the Indian ocean - ah! What a sight! What an experience. Together they sat on the wooden deck, sipping on their tea - freshly brewed Ceylone tea - Dilmah tea. She loved the taste- savoring every drop. She dint know if it was his presence, the ambience or the tea. She dint care. She was at peace. "We must buy it when we stop over at Colombo" she said, and true to her words, she bought 3 boxes of it, Ceylone Supreme and Ginger Green tea. She looked forward to drinking it, cherishing it and reliving the moments of bliss that the island had offered. Little did she know that Lady Luck had something else in store. She reached ARId-ZONe and there was no sign of her bag or her well packed, carefully wrapped Dilmah boxes. She was understandably upset and annoyed. Eventually, she got over it. Then one day, she said to him "I wish my bag dint go missing. I could have sipped on some Dilmah" and she continued to chitter-chatter about unimportant things. A week later she received a package. She opened it with utmost curiosity. She loved surprises- so she was sure she was going to love this. When she opened it, she had a wide big smile and lightly moistened eyes. There she saw were 3 big boxes of Dilmah tea - Ceylone supreme and Ginger Green tea. She realized it then - it wasn't the tea or the ambience :).

What's in a thali?

"So, how's married life?", asks the gal pal.

"Nothing different at all. Just an extra piece of jewellery around my neck.", I say.

"Oh- you still wear your thali?" she asks.

"hmm...ya, Why not?", I think.

The thali, a.k.a mangalsutra is a symbol of married Indian women - a chain worn around the neck. I have always wondered why the maamis go ballistic over the yellow thread. Now that I am married, I am even more curious. Most of my married girl friends do not wear it for one or more of the following reasons:

• Top most reason - Fashion - It doesn't go well with the halter necks and the tube tops! They also compare wearing one to fashion disasters that include wearing T-shirt and Jeans along with Big Bindis, Plaited Hair and Malligai Poo (Jasmine Flowers)
• Long, heavy and plain inconvenient - Especially while sleeping. It coils around the neck, ears and forehead.
• "I dont have to wear the thali to display reverence to my husband".
• "I dont have to wear it to prove my affinity towards Tamil culture".

....and so on.

I know for a fact that most of the "modern day women" wear it on occasions - when a maami invites them over for Varalakshmi nombu or Golu, or when they head to a temple or attend weddings. Other than that, it lies coiled in jewel boxes. So why the hypocrisy?

What is the true significance of the thali? It is absurd to assume that the thali protects the husband. It is after all a piece of precious metal. Why do tamil movies thrive on the thali sentiment? Is it really that important to women?

It is possible, that in the past it was tied by the man to symbolize his "ownership" over the lady. To symbolize that he is her protector and that he is committed to take care of her. It probably was also meant to be a sign for other men to stay away from her and let them know that she's taken. But times have changed and none of these assumptions make much sense anymore. So why do women still attribute so much significance to it?

For the records, I do wear mine. I have two of them actually. The more traditional 22 carat gold kodi with the gundu manis and the thulasi maadams. And then the more sleek gold chain with a single tiny thulasi maadam on it. It hardly looks like one, but my in-laws thoughtfully presented it to me, so that I could wear it everyday without having to forgo fashion or comfort! And so I wear it because it honestly doesn't bother me. More so because it keeps the parents happy. I used to switch between the bigger and smaller one depending on whether I headed out to the gym or a fancy dine out place. And then I found the whole process ridiculous and cumbersome. So now I just wear the simpler of the two and I hardly notice it anymore.

I do respect Tamil culture, but not necessarily subscribe to all of its jing-bangs. So for instance, I do not wear a bindi when I wear jeans or any western outfit, because I think it doesn't really go well with it. But I do for sure if I am clad in any Indian attire. My mom's voice usually reaches high frequencies when I am back home in Chennai and it is 6 pm and "velakku ethare neram" and I prance around sans the "Pottu". It usually raises a "Enna archu idu? Sayangalam velakethra neram, poi moonja alambindu nethikittukko" from her. But the same amma doesn't mind it much when she's in foreign land either.

So why are we really striving to stick on to these acts? Do they mean anything at all in today's world? Would you men mind it if your wife dint wear a bindi or her thali? Do these symbols really help her gaurd against other men? I wonder...

Small Things Challenge

Tiny Drops of water make the ocean. For all those who want to do their bit to those in need, please visit:

http://www.smallthingschallenge.com/

It is organized by Intel and I can assure you that your contribution will reach the right hands.

Thanks,
Archana

Salim-Sulaiman - ^C ^V

So we know Bollywood composers are famous for being "inspired" by others' music. But here's another kind. Use one tune across multiple movies with the same Panju theme! Duh!

Check this one out:
Beginning of Song "Haule Haule" from RNBDJ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9xUxd-S9pY

And then this one from Singh is King:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIflk3EzoK4&feature=related - @ 5:48.

Cmon ppl!!